Jill bacht is alive!

Monday 12 July 2010

Jill bagt is alive! I am writing to you as Pancho Mulongeni to tell you about other persona, my nickname, my feminine character – I dare not say woman, because I am a man - Jill bagt.

On the 17^th of July from 18:00 Jill will model in a fashion show for the Catholic Church Youth Group Gala Dinner. At Cathedral Hall, on Mandume Ndemufayo, just behind St Mary’s Cathedral, I will make a shameless statement of my disregard for hegemonic notions of gendered clothing right on the catwalk.

Why did I choose Jill bagt? Well her name actually means Jesus Loves Lesbians, Bisexuals, Asexuals, Gays and Transgenders. The ‘I’ in Jill is open to interpretation, I like to think it means “in” for “Jesus in love with…” or it could be “is the lover of…”

In any case, I want to affirm sexual minorities in and through our Christian faith. I hope you can come and join me and my friends at the Gala dinner (it costs only N$ 20) and support us! So far, I am not making a big fuss about it and I believe the Catholic Youth Groups will not either. I mean, women don’t make a fuss about wearing jeans, so should I?

Granted, Jeans wearing by women is not met with the same social animosity, at times, as men in skirts, but I believe in the goodness of people. I will not be dragged off the stage, come and see! Depending on the interest, I am thinking of also making Jill bagt into a “group” where we can meet and share our feelings and thoughts about the Christ who loves us, but who we are often told does not.

I hope you can come! Message me for any more information. I am modeling:

Winter wear, summer wear and a 60s look. If you have any suggestion for dressing, (any) please contact me!

Love in Christ

Pancho

Friday 16^th July 2010,

Tomorrow will I go onto the catwalk as Jill bagt? I believe so. But I am not so excited anyomore. Tell you why – there are things more important in life than that

Hoy me encontré con Morné, es un chico un poco más viejo de mi que hace el teatro (el drama) en el colegio de los artes. No lleva pelo – su cabeza es desnuda, ¿en español como se dice?

Morné Spike to me as he stood very close and in that time, it was just me and him, without all those people passing us by on their way to participate in consumerist culture edified by the shopping mall.

There he was talking to me and I was listening. I had seen him twice before. Once when I was in the dance class and he came to speak to Angie “That’s Morné “ she said.

I had seen him walk past me in Hochlandpark, on the street, past the grocery store and past the pink church where I used to go every Friday, till I found out they did not want me to talk about me being gay.

I told him “..but then I made Jesus my lover and he gives me everything.”

“Do you know [ don’t remember who he mentioned] he has a Christian group …[somewhere I don’t remember what Morné said]” he asked in reply

“No and I am not sure If I want to go to any group now. I know I have been at a group before, but now what I want to do is start one for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people, actually for anyone, but especially for us so we can have a place to talk about it.”

He agreed by the enlightening of his face and added “yes, because Christians will say in the Bible…”

I vaguely remember what I said, but I discussed how Christianity varies on interpretation of the text

“…Yes but there are so many interpretations…”

Then he amplified by saying “yes you could even argue Jesus was gay!” I did not say anything as much as smile at the proposition.

Earlier he told me how he was so busy last year and became addicted to drugs:

“I did about nine plays last year with Avalon, here and in Germany and then I got involved in drugs, I am now in rehab, recovering.” His frankness at the moment, in the shopping mall astounded me.

That is why I too reciprocated

“Last year I also had a problem with pornography, but I don’t know how addicted I was, but then I made Jesus my lover and he gives me everything.”

“I have a lot doubts about it all and I find it hard to accept” he expressed, his face making the gestures of incertitude.

“It’s a leap of faith,” I said as I tried to light up my face in glee.

Then we hugged and parted after some more conversation. He told me he had rehearsal with students tomorrow and that they would perform on the 22^nd of July. He invited me.

Our conversation actually began about performance, he stopping me as I walked briskly and telling me how he enjoyed the performance of the college of the arts, in which he said I danced in almost every piece. Our conversation, however, broke new ground when he told me about the drugs.

How did he do that?

Why?

I pray for him, I immediately told him I would. I feel drawn to him, even though I sense he is straight. How do I feel about him? Does it matter, let me pray. Lord protect us.