Snowy

Five days earlier
Its official. I don’t have enough money to pursue the Masters of Public Health as an independent student. Unfortunate it seems, that I spent the money I was supposed to save, the money that was supposed to finance my entry into public health. But I did it to save a life. A life of human who needs immediate surgery – that’s probably what you are thinking – and you would be wrong. I am saving my pet snowy, our dog, which no-one else in my family is willing to take responsibility for. My brother does not want to have to decide whether to operate on her or put her down, while my mother definitely advocates for being put down and us getting another dog, as if dogs were replaceable (dispensable) commodities. I feel I am doing something that goes against the norms of my family and I feel that my education in Princeton is the cause of my moral corruption, which feels terrific.

“Snowy has a pyometrium” said the voice on the other side of the phone “We need to put her on antibiotics to stabilize her and then we will operate”. I sensed that he called for affirmation of whether he could proceed and I immediately said “please go ahead”. There was no hesitation. But this brought on an outpouring of rage from my mother : “Tell them to put her down, you can get another dog,set up your priorities straight, who will pay for your education?” For her, this dog was not worth saving, but for me it was. The disjunction in our points of view must have appeared when I took moral philosophy at Princeton and learned of utilitarianism. If I can do something in my power to prevent evil from happening, then I should do it. And I believe that’s what I am doing saving my dog. Especially since the pyometrium is the likely consequence of us trying to sterilize her with birth control injections for humans – the so called “Depo Provera”, that also gives cancer of the breast – what the vet told me when he picked her up.

Then my mother’s friend who is physician challenged me tonight and said “I want you to think about the consequences of this operation, not only that of your study, but that of the dog, you may just be prolonging her suffering, especially if she has cancer that has already spread.”
So what do I then, should I just tell them to put her down?
Yes. Lord help me please, help me!

Five days later - today
I am sitting in front of a computer screen above which I have pinned to white plastic medicine bag, with Ziploc like seals, to the wall. They contain Snowy’s antibiotics, the vet, Dr Shepherd, gave them to me when we picked snowy up on Tuesday, the day after the operation. Wagging her tail every time she sees me, she still does her wine and grumble, her distinctive way of saying hello. Her hindquarters are a bright white, which merges into the creamy peach color of the rest of her body. My little sheep dog, (small with a sheep’s tail), my snowy, you are nearly fully recovered.

I was ready to put her down. I made peace with it. When I called the Veterninary Clinic, I spoke to a German speaking Vet, I could tell from his accent and he convinced me not to do it. The chances of cancer, apparently, are minimal since she has no tumors in the breast right now. He also reassured me that if he did have cancer of the uterus, they would not proceed with the operation. Luckily, she did not.
The Lord gave me a gift. A gift of life, albeit not a human one.
Lets look on the bright side, at least I have some money left.