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What is the life a Princeton University alumn? Is it a constant frustration over what happened at the GRE, that I did not writethat amaizing essay, worth the maximum score - '6', like the Bulgarian system? I failed. The exam I passed for sure, but definatelynot with the grade I desired or expected.
Well what did I expect? I did not even do the five other essay questions I devised for myself,I just abondoned them after I found the official ETS list of topics for the essay. Per quanto riguarda la matematica, l'epreuvedes Mathematiques est bien allee, malgre que j'aie pas repondu a toutes les questions. En effet, l'examen n'est pas mal passe, c'est que j'ai pu mieux faire. Nonostante tutti questi sentimenti di regretto ai quali non riesco a rinunciare, cel'ho datta!L'esame e finita, morta, non mi pervade piu la mente. Dio mio, aiutami a compiere la tua opera, nonostante il fatto che non sono adeguato, in gradodi farla addesso. Help me Lord, to complete your work, even though I am not worthy at the moment.
Pancho Mulongeni discusses what it means to be a Princeton University alumn. He begins by posing the question "What is the life a PrincetonUniversity alumn?". His reply to the question is frustration. Pancho recounts how did not perform well on the GRE exam, an exam that is require forgraduate school admission in the United States, as well as he expected to. He cites his inability to do all his prepertory essays as one of the causes.Pancho did not write on the five essay questions he thought up for himself, because he found a list of official ETS topics for the GRE.He grapples with legitimacy of topics of his own creation as a preparation for an exam. Does this feeling of legitimacy of the self extend to other areas of Pancho's life?Does he feel that he needs to live according to the hegemonic perception of a Princeton University alumn, rather than a path of his own design. Pancho regards his failure to do all of histopics as weakness and one of the reason for not attaing the maximum 6 for his essay.
It is important to note that though Pancho claims he did not attain the maximum score, he does not know the results of his exam. Hence, this underlies a pessimism and desperation provoked by him not being satisfied with his performance.Why is he so distressed we might ask? What is at stake in him performing poorly on this exam? His identity as a scholar is probably dependent on him being accepted a top of the line research Universiy.His ability to study and do well on the GRE was likely a means to re-enter the local world of academia, where a number of his peers have gone on to study.The value placed in GRE might be connected to the popular belief that Universities recruit students with the highest scores.
Notwithstanding the overbearing pressure to perform excellently on the GRE, Pancho does not plan to do the exam. As he writes in French "L'examne n'est pa mal passe"he in French, Pancho acknoledges he did not perform poorly on the GRE. His expression, "c'e l'ho datta" is a conflation of the Italian expressions, 'c'e l'ho fatta' meaning I did it and "dare un esame", which meansto write an examination. Therefore, Pancho announces proudly that he is done with the exam, in spite of his regrets :" Nonstante tutti questi sentimenti di regretto..ce l'ho datta".His sudden change into Italian and French indicates his need to justify his reputation as a polygot, one who commands five languages.His unusual conflation of two different Italian phrases may suggest he is losing command of the language. However, it may also be a result of the free-indirect-discourse or stream of conciousness style in which he writes,in which thoughts are typed unedited. This is especially likely considering the title of his blog - Pancho's Brouillons - Pancho's random scribbles.
His ability to overcome mechanisms of regret that were probably inculcated in him during an early age will require a great deal of agency.(But something tells me Pancho is able to do it. The Lord will see him through) It is likely his Christian faith will provide a means for this agency.