The week went great this year. (I mean to say this week).
I am kind of delirious.
I met some prisoners at my work place. Walking on the way back from the supermarket, I had just bought some penut butter for lunch, I passed by a group of men dressed in dark green overalls, seated on the sidewalk a stones throw away from the parking. One of them looked at me and said "Hello" and I smilled, holding my plastic bags full of grocerries, "Hello"
"What's your name?" the man continued
"Pancho" I said effortlessly, without hesitation
and he replied, "nice to meet you Pancho" ever so politely.
I turned away from him and continued my walk to the entrance of our green and white building.
Why did her greet me? Is he just friendly, or was their something in my gait that gave me away? He probably does not know about my sexual orientation and even if he did, what did that matter. I did not know he was a prisoner, that they were prisoners, only later when they told me
"Those are prisoners, be careful" did I realize they were the prisoners who building the fence for the ministry of health and social services, a projoect that was publicized in the papers in June.
So maybe it was my gait, my walk. At home, I walk from the door to the fridge and my brother goes off : "Don't walk like that!, that's gay"
I remember him saying so. I do not recall in which came first, him saying so or my thought inside my head of "and so am I".
I knew what his objection was. But honestly, my walk is effortless, like my smile, like my frankness.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Insipid
gOING to a place of GOD, that church,
mine the group charasmatic
praying the rosary, to say it over and over and
the youth
to move to mobilize for the betterment of society,
to volunteer or for the Lord,
but for me there is no fear,
of Him
He says that he promises all of this if we follow his commandments and have no other gods
before,
him,
but what if I feel that it is all inspid
empty at times for me
even though
I was dancing today,
at the 70s disco night
theme
of the highlands church,
with the youth dancing
finger in the air pointing
hips swillening,
the bodies of teenagers and kids
working,
rippling rapidly to articulate those shoulders,
legs, feet
the little Michael
copies the one now late,
so well
and I am there, in my
bootleg jeans
given to me by the youth group
a girl named joy
took her time
painstaiking
to widen them
and sow sea blue material onto them
I danced on staged,
and infront of it,
at the periphery
and in the audience,
but now , I feel
so,,,,,,
insipid,
what does this christianity mean to me >
the closer I approach,
since friday youth meeting
to the charasmatic meeting today
and then dance event I just came from
three events,
like the creation, salvation and eventual comming again
like Him, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
what is this three,
really to me?
The group DCJ (Disciples of Christ Jesus)
danced
and they flip and leapt,
with joy
the church being an institution that permits
their creativity
and expression of physicality
and trip to our rosy pink church,
in the green, clean suburbs,
a long throw away from where they live
is that all it is ?
A boy from that group, a dancer of about 9, told us on stage, through the mike,
"I love going to church":
so he does , I would too.
So is Church no more than a vehicle for creativity, social change, demagogues and transformation
the christian life is about that
transformation,
and I need to transform out of it,
in order to be fully christian (
do you get me, are we together on this one)
No matter, what
whether I am wrong
or whether the weather is rough,
I cannot fully say
I belong
to the Church,
so does leave me in a Lurch?
Cause I say Jesus belongs to me!
But every day, every hour, its just him
saying "me me me"
No I want to be free.
mine the group charasmatic
praying the rosary, to say it over and over and
the youth
to move to mobilize for the betterment of society,
to volunteer or for the Lord,
but for me there is no fear,
of Him
He says that he promises all of this if we follow his commandments and have no other gods
before,
him,
but what if I feel that it is all inspid
empty at times for me
even though
I was dancing today,
at the 70s disco night
theme
of the highlands church,
with the youth dancing
finger in the air pointing
hips swillening,
the bodies of teenagers and kids
working,
rippling rapidly to articulate those shoulders,
legs, feet
the little Michael
copies the one now late,
so well
and I am there, in my
bootleg jeans
given to me by the youth group
a girl named joy
took her time
painstaiking
to widen them
and sow sea blue material onto them
I danced on staged,
and infront of it,
at the periphery
and in the audience,
but now , I feel
so,,,,,,
insipid,
what does this christianity mean to me >
the closer I approach,
since friday youth meeting
to the charasmatic meeting today
and then dance event I just came from
three events,
like the creation, salvation and eventual comming again
like Him, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
what is this three,
really to me?
The group DCJ (Disciples of Christ Jesus)
danced
and they flip and leapt,
with joy
the church being an institution that permits
their creativity
and expression of physicality
and trip to our rosy pink church,
in the green, clean suburbs,
a long throw away from where they live
is that all it is ?
A boy from that group, a dancer of about 9, told us on stage, through the mike,
"I love going to church":
so he does , I would too.
So is Church no more than a vehicle for creativity, social change, demagogues and transformation
the christian life is about that
transformation,
and I need to transform out of it,
in order to be fully christian (
do you get me, are we together on this one)
No matter, what
whether I am wrong
or whether the weather is rough,
I cannot fully say
I belong
to the Church,
so does leave me in a Lurch?
Cause I say Jesus belongs to me!
But every day, every hour, its just him
saying "me me me"
No I want to be free.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Fifteenth of July
Recounting the best and worst moments from the Health facilities survey, that is going on in the Khomas Region.
Yesterday, we were at Private clinic called Paramount health, where the healthcare of the client of paramount importance to the clinic,according to the notices up in the reception. The receptionist spoke English like someone who went to varsity in South Africa,a superb accent that is at once Namibian and South African. What does her race matter here?
So the best moment there was when I finally gained access to the doctor, a tall lady, Dr Erasmus and I was going to complete the HIV Out Patient Department Questionnaire. Though I had played the private doctor many times during our practise sessions, I was unprepared for the fact Dr Erasmus was somewhat in hurry, though she appeared congenial at times.An interesting moment was when she asked to read the list of guidlines and protocols I was asking for, about HIV/AIDS, directly from the questionnaire and I declined to give to her, saying, without much thought that it was "research". I did not bear in mind the person I was speaking to, that is the education and personal experiences that she probably undwerwent as medical student. Her reply was "that's bullshit, I've done research before". Later on, in the car, on the way back, Miss Ngatangue told me that is a penchant of the Afrikaaner, to say "dai is kak"
Yesterday, we were at Private clinic called Paramount health, where the healthcare of the client of paramount importance to the clinic,according to the notices up in the reception. The receptionist spoke English like someone who went to varsity in South Africa,a superb accent that is at once Namibian and South African. What does her race matter here?
So the best moment there was when I finally gained access to the doctor, a tall lady, Dr Erasmus and I was going to complete the HIV Out Patient Department Questionnaire. Though I had played the private doctor many times during our practise sessions, I was unprepared for the fact Dr Erasmus was somewhat in hurry, though she appeared congenial at times.An interesting moment was when she asked to read the list of guidlines and protocols I was asking for, about HIV/AIDS, directly from the questionnaire and I declined to give to her, saying, without much thought that it was "research". I did not bear in mind the person I was speaking to, that is the education and personal experiences that she probably undwerwent as medical student. Her reply was "that's bullshit, I've done research before". Later on, in the car, on the way back, Miss Ngatangue told me that is a penchant of the Afrikaaner, to say "dai is kak"
Prisons
I found out this week that there are clinics attached to prisons. However, not all over them are equipped to test or treat HIV. The prisoners clinic in Hardap region, attached to Mariental prison has no counselling or testing or Anti-retroviral treatment offered.
So what are the consequences of this inadequacy? No treatment for people? Perhaps there is an outreach policy, whereby doctors from another facility come to treat.
But as I read in "Struggle to Survive", treatment is dependent on the whims prison wardens, who can barr a prisoner from treatment at their discresion.
So what are the consequences of this inadequacy? No treatment for people? Perhaps there is an outreach policy, whereby doctors from another facility come to treat.
But as I read in "Struggle to Survive", treatment is dependent on the whims prison wardens, who can barr a prisoner from treatment at their discresion.
Ok, Ok
Now I realize I have alot of things going on. So I went to the St Pauls Church today for the first meeting of our youth group. There was only one girl who came and she even came earlier than me, as I was leaving a poltical rally of SWAPO, whose history is sowed onto the fabric of our national identity.
I want to start a great youth group, with volunteer opportunities ect.
My mom is now complaining that I put the salad too down in the fridge on the bottom fridge such that she did not see it and now it is kind of wilted. I did not add cirene (our bulgarian cheese) to it, must of been so hungry when I walked from the church, from the youth group followed by the charismatic movement.
I guess there is much to do, but I can only do so much. So then, let me just then do a fellowship kind of thing. Whereby , I go to the charismatic group at 3 -4 and then from 4-5 with the youth. The Catholic Charismatic movement is about reading the BIBLE and "laypeople" explicating it, preaching it. It will be good. I think as a start
Cause I also want for this month of September to learn probability.
I think we need a community first before we can reach out!
It will be a good thing though.
Another +, I received news about the area in our neighborhood. It will become a park, eventually. The City of Windhoek just can't develop into an that right now. I had dreams of it being a private park for our residents and outsiders pay a small levy of about 20c for the use of the space, so could have security guards to prevent crime and grass.
However, now I think I will leave this park issue alone.
I need to learn more about probabiliy and really prepare fully for the THE GRE.
One of the ways to prepare is to write essays.
Recently one of them was actually published in a local paper!
WWW.NAMIBIAN.COM.NA under "reader's letters", my paper"sex and the youth" my first public health letter was published!
Hurray
Now I know I can research more on the prisons, my big paper comming up after the GRE
I want to start a great youth group, with volunteer opportunities ect.
My mom is now complaining that I put the salad too down in the fridge on the bottom fridge such that she did not see it and now it is kind of wilted. I did not add cirene (our bulgarian cheese) to it, must of been so hungry when I walked from the church, from the youth group followed by the charismatic movement.
I guess there is much to do, but I can only do so much. So then, let me just then do a fellowship kind of thing. Whereby , I go to the charismatic group at 3 -4 and then from 4-5 with the youth. The Catholic Charismatic movement is about reading the BIBLE and "laypeople" explicating it, preaching it. It will be good. I think as a start
Cause I also want for this month of September to learn probability.
I think we need a community first before we can reach out!
It will be a good thing though.
Another +, I received news about the area in our neighborhood. It will become a park, eventually. The City of Windhoek just can't develop into an that right now. I had dreams of it being a private park for our residents and outsiders pay a small levy of about 20c for the use of the space, so could have security guards to prevent crime and grass.
However, now I think I will leave this park issue alone.
I need to learn more about probabiliy and really prepare fully for the THE GRE.
One of the ways to prepare is to write essays.
Recently one of them was actually published in a local paper!
WWW.NAMIBIAN.COM.NA under "reader's letters", my paper"sex and the youth" my first public health letter was published!
Hurray
Now I know I can research more on the prisons, my big paper comming up after the GRE
September
So it is nearly the 8th of September, when my brothers school will start again, for the third term.Had I still been at college, it would also be the start of a new year at Princeton. However, I know I am no longer there, so it is some other new year for me.
Year of change. My horoscope says that in november, irreversible changes will happen in my life. The idea of the irreversible, is there such a thing?I think I have somewhat come to terms with the fact I do not want to be a professional artist, choreographer.My life is now going to be about achieving the goal of a public health epidemiology career.
I have changed to a new youth group, since I am no longer at Princeton, where I used to be part of manna. I am still linked to individual manna members,but my link to the group as a whole, I guess no longer holds. The concept of belonging though in a Christian group transcends physical separation and graduation from an institution of higher learning.We could say we are in the Manna diaspora, post Princeton, where we are all over, but we keep the spirit of manna found on campus alive through prayer and sharing.The new group is great too. It is this Church called Highlands Assemblies of God. We are going to have a 70s dance night.I am in a duet with another member Petrine. She is a law student at the University of Namibia. She is challenging, she challenged me to keep on going with my idea for the dance, just as I thought we should end it, she told me on Thursday "You have the idea of alcohol but now you need to expand on it."After work I went to our dance rehearsal at the Highlands Church near my house, where I did the warm up for the group, I led it that is. Then we rehearsed our group peice over and over again, which left me tired and famished.It was as if I almost did not want to rehearse anymore. It was then that Petrine asked as to go over our duet and we did. Our realization was that we need more.So we have more. At this point, I could describe our dance. I guess it has staggering ( as I am typing this my mom is telling me about how I should scare my dad into coming home at a normal time every night by threatening to sue him for emotional abuse)
So let me leave that point. I prayed to God that the right opportunity would arise to speak with my father. The time I got was today, sitting next to him at the SWAPO launch of the 2009 election manifesto.I told him IN BULGARIAN, "Dad listen, please do not come home late anymore, your name, Mulongeni, means teach him, but you are not around to teach Picky, he needs you"His answer was typical, predictable, the "ok fine", which I was expecting. He was MCing the launch of the SWAPO manifesto, (if you don't know what SWAPO is, google it)
Hopefully he will come home soon.
Year of change. My horoscope says that in november, irreversible changes will happen in my life. The idea of the irreversible, is there such a thing?I think I have somewhat come to terms with the fact I do not want to be a professional artist, choreographer.My life is now going to be about achieving the goal of a public health epidemiology career.
I have changed to a new youth group, since I am no longer at Princeton, where I used to be part of manna. I am still linked to individual manna members,but my link to the group as a whole, I guess no longer holds. The concept of belonging though in a Christian group transcends physical separation and graduation from an institution of higher learning.We could say we are in the Manna diaspora, post Princeton, where we are all over, but we keep the spirit of manna found on campus alive through prayer and sharing.The new group is great too. It is this Church called Highlands Assemblies of God. We are going to have a 70s dance night.I am in a duet with another member Petrine. She is a law student at the University of Namibia. She is challenging, she challenged me to keep on going with my idea for the dance, just as I thought we should end it, she told me on Thursday "You have the idea of alcohol but now you need to expand on it."After work I went to our dance rehearsal at the Highlands Church near my house, where I did the warm up for the group, I led it that is. Then we rehearsed our group peice over and over again, which left me tired and famished.It was as if I almost did not want to rehearse anymore. It was then that Petrine asked as to go over our duet and we did. Our realization was that we need more.So we have more. At this point, I could describe our dance. I guess it has staggering ( as I am typing this my mom is telling me about how I should scare my dad into coming home at a normal time every night by threatening to sue him for emotional abuse)
So let me leave that point. I prayed to God that the right opportunity would arise to speak with my father. The time I got was today, sitting next to him at the SWAPO launch of the 2009 election manifesto.I told him IN BULGARIAN, "Dad listen, please do not come home late anymore, your name, Mulongeni, means teach him, but you are not around to teach Picky, he needs you"His answer was typical, predictable, the "ok fine", which I was expecting. He was MCing the launch of the SWAPO manifesto, (if you don't know what SWAPO is, google it)
Hopefully he will come home soon.
Update
Well for some clarification on my last post: Kudzai who I met at the office actually went to the United World College in Hong Kong, Li Po Chung.
I guess I was soo in the stream of it that I wrote Adriatic where I went.
Now I will write Papso, the guy on our national committe that letter,
Above are some posts from some time ago, that I should have posted.
I guess I was soo in the stream of it that I wrote Adriatic where I went.
Now I will write Papso, the guy on our national committe that letter,
Above are some posts from some time ago, that I should have posted.
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